A full and remarkable life deserves to be celebrated in a meaningful way, and that’s exactly how Karen Claren farewelled her beloved father, Jürgen Claren, thanks to the advice and support of Funeral By Design’s Karin Slade.
“When doctors told us in July 2022 that Dad wouldn’t make another week due to his heart issues and pneumonia, I was in shock,” says Karen. “A girlfriend helped me out and rang around funeral homes and sent me the three best quotes, but I was in deep denial at that stage so I didn’t look at the quotes.
“After a remarkable recovery, Dad then unexpectedly passed away 4 months later in November 2022, and I had to finally dig up those quotes.
“Quote 1 was too detailed and I couldn’t get hold of the funeral director.
“Quote 2, which my friend pointed out was probably the ‘cheapest’ and totally in line with dad’s ‘no frills’ approach, came from a funeral director who whilst polite and helpful in answering all my questions on the phone, came across a little rote and detached. He was overly focussed on pointing out ‘prices’ during our conversation. This business manner really depressed me.
“Quote 3 was from Karin Slade from Funerals By Design. And as soon as I phoned Karin, I was struck by her personable manner, sincerity and attention.
“One of the very first things Karin said to me was, ‘So, tell me about your dad’.”
“It was THE most powerful thing ever! It was as if she opened my heart, looked right into it and took my hand.
“I immediately knew I’d found the right person to arrange Dad’s farewell. The focus was not on the cost of this or that. It was all about Dad.”
“Karin’s rapport is authentic and magical because she really does care. Her warmth and genuine care factor was priceless to put together this important and most memorable day.
“She asked lots of questions and really listened, she wanted to understand who my dad really was and make a connection. She learnt about his love of a good party and how sailing was a big part of his life.
“Dad was practical and became a bit frugal as he aged. He had always made it clear he wanted a ‘no frills’ funeral, saying, ‘I don’t want any of that formal fuss. Just pop me in a cardboard box and then scatter my ashes in the Pacific Ocean’ – it was an ongoing joke between us!”
“When I told Karin about Dad’s wishes, she replied, ‘Why not! We have a range of environmentally friendly and affordable cardboard coffins and caskets. We even have a boat that we regularly use for scattering of ashes’.
“And as it turned out, Karin’s funeral fees were actually less than Quote 2 that we received from ‘Mr budget’ funerals!”
“Nothing was a problem for Karin. I hate crematoriums and dreaded the thought that we had to hold the service there but Karin simply said, ‘You don’t have to’. It was a revelation and a relief to know we could create our own personalised funeral befitting to dad’s personality.
“Karin took over all of the unpleasantries and necessities, she shielded me from what was difficult for me, metaphorically holding my hand all the way. She organised dad’s transfer from hospital to the cremation and returned his ashes to me in the special urn I’d chosen.
“What makes Karin special is that besides being a practised funeral director, she is a professional caterer and event manager. Whatever you need, Karin can organise it.
“Karin was able to help guide or manage every minute arrangement aspect of my dad’s passing. I found that extraordinary – not having to deal with a myriad of people.
“Karin literally and figuratively helped me keep ‘it together’.”
“As Dad had passed just before the end-of-year festive season, I was not physically nor emotionally ready for a funeral that seemed so ill timed. Karin empowered me with the idea and acceptance that this can be done ‘whenever you’re ready’.
“That was the most powerful statement, as I was still in a ‘dense fog of grief’ for weeks after Dad’s death, trying to process my loss, as Dad and I were very close. I needed the clarity and time to really prepare a beautiful service that would truly celebrate Dad’s personality and amazing 82 years of life.
“So just four days after losing Dad we held our own simple and very intimate service at the exact moment of his cremation.
Instead of being at the crematorium, we were on the side of the hill overlooking the ocean and Warriewood beach, drinking champagne, and reading some of the poems Dad had written, with flowers and photos of Dad.
“Not having the memorial at the time as the cremation allowed us the time to contact all our friends and family across the globe, gather photos and anecdotes, and lovingly and calmly prepare to celebrate Dad in a more befitting way that reflected his unique character.”
“Karin’s exceptional communication and listening skills give her the remarkable ability to join all the little dots and make your loved one’s farewell an incredibly special and meaningful celebration.
“People tend to assume a funeral needs to follow a formula, all solemn and serious. Instead, Karin makes you realise that whilst it’s a time to honour and pay respects, it is also a time of celebration and that there is no such thing as a pre-prescribed funeral.
“For me, the most amazing thing about Karin was how she normalised death, dissolved the fear and discomfort, helped create acceptance and see the beauty of really celebrating life.
“Karin makes your departed loved one front and centre of the celebration, almost bringing them ‘back to life’.
“While guiding you all the way, Karin lets you decide how you’d like to be involved in the planning. She brainstorms with you, offers solutions and gives great ideas, taking over any aspect too uncomfortable for you. Nothing was ever a problem for Karin!
“Karin asked detailed questions about Dad, his lifestyle and interests. So when she learnt of his love of water, she aptly suggested a waterside venue for his memorial service.
“Suddenly, the memorial became centred on Dad and his love of life, parties, friends, travel, adventure, and most of all his desire for an informal farewell in the style and manner he enjoyed.
“Karin gently nudges you, keeping you focussed, without being pushy. She takes over all the organising in a totally efficient yet caring manner. Even juggling so many balls, keeping all on track, she is always calm, and friendly, and always ‘on the ball’.
“To be honest, I did wonder at times, as she looked a little too relaxed considering all the arrangements she was managing. But she was a consummate professional from start to finish! Like Teflon, Karin simply does not let any drama stick.”
“We chose not to have a celebrant so Karin did the opening. Karin and her team really helped personalise the whole memorial down to the very last detail – this would have meant so much to Dad!
“Knowing Dad’s passion for sailing, Karin had suggested Bayview Yacht Racing Association as a wake venue, just near where he used to moor his boat. It could not have been more personal and apt.
“Dad loved Persian rugs and had them scattered throughout his home. Against the advice of every caring friend and occupational therapist that they created a fall risk and his likely demise (which they didn’t), he defiantly kept them. His determination to keep his beloved rugs was a standing joke amongst everyone!
“So, we included his rugs at every gathering: sitting on them on the grassy Warriewood beachside hill on the day of his cremation, as well as spreading them in the BYRA hall on the day of the memorial.
“Dad was also a great reader so Karin and her team set up a library corner for people to take a book of his to remember him by.
“We all felt his presence because of the way the venue had been personalised to truly reflect Dad.”
“Thanks to Karin, Dad’s memorial was a true celebration of his life and reflection of who he was.
“Breathtaking floral arrangements with specific African flowers signified, Dad’s happiest years living in South Africa, and where a big part of his heart lay. We also had a display of all his toastmaster trophies as he was a renowned public speaker.
“Dad really loved entertaining, so we had a playlist of his favourite music while serving his much loved choice of food and drinks.
“Karin tailored a menu of dad’s ultimate favourite foods: cold prawns, crumbed calamari, Asian delicacies, his favourite cheeses, cold meats, dips with baguette, plus the cold beers and champagne – it was just the way he would have wanted it!
“As everyone left the event they said it was the most extraordinary and unique memorial they had ever been to!”
“Dad’s career took him across South Africa into Germany and later to Australia, where he made many connections and friends.
“After being diagnosed with only 5 years to live back in 1993, Dad decided to retire early, defy the odds and live life to the fullest, embarking on epic travel adventures. Dad truly embraced life. His humour and incredibly outgoing upbeat disposition was even noted in his medical records!
“Because Dad diligently stayed in touch with so many of his family and friends throughout his years, he had multiple connections with people across time and continents. Karin suggested we professionally live stream the service to include his overseas family and friends. Many phoned to tell me how special that was, they still rewatch the recording.
“People tuned in to the streamed service from Germany, Holland, UK, South Africa, USA, Philippines, Bali … from all over the world.”
“It was Karin’s idea to have a big group photo on the deck. We all cheered ‘Jay’(Dad’s nickname) instead of ‘cheese’. It was such a heartwarmingly funny and special moment. There were some people I’d never met before, and the ambience created such a lovely connection between everyone.
“Karin also helped organise a magnificent photo slideshow which beautifully chronicled dad’s life – she has an amazing network so anything can be done. On the day, her staff were all so professional and beautifully dressed. Everything went so smoothly, and way, way exceeded my expectations. It was magical.
“We never had to discuss the details of costs – we simply focussed on what Dad would have wanted.
“Karin’s pricing is sensible and she is totally transparent. I knew she wouldn’t overcharge – and she didn’t.”
“Karen allows you to be vulnerable at the most vulnerable time of your life. And she also gives you licence to laugh and cry and joke, but all all done in good taste.
“Dad and Mum were totally estranged, and apart from one of my children, I had no other direct family in Australia to help with the funeral, so Karin was a real anchor at a time when I would oscillate between feeling lost and totally overwhelmed.
“Even the day after the memorial and still from time to time, Karin continues to check in with me: she just phones me up to say hi, how are you doing, which is incredibly special. She provides such a professional service but she also invests herself personally and has a huge heart.
“She continues to help in so many ways. Karin is well connected and able to refer you to services you need ‘afterwards’, like people to help me empty Dad’s house. Karin truly goes way beyond the level of service she is required to deliver.
“Unconditionally generous with her time and attention, Karin is not motivated by money or profit, she simply makes time to support you.”
“Karin truly helped me make this the most beautiful day ever, and more special than I had imagined possible. In fact, I had such a good time at Dad’s memorial and everyone loved it so much we’ve now decided to have an annual memorial for Dad on his birthday!
“Family and friends all said ‘Jürgen would have loved to be there’ or ‘it feels like Jürgen is actually here with us’.
“Ironically, in all the days, weeks and months since Dad’s death, that day has been the happiest for me during this grieving period. I feel totally at peace that I gave Dad a ‘jolly good send off’ – just as he would have wanted.
“Thanks to Karin, there truly couldn’t have been a better tribute to my amazing dad.”
“We knew we wanted an event that was true to Jim and Davidson Park under Roseville Bridge had significance for our family
“Until we spoke to Karin we didn’t realise we could even hold Jim’s funeral there!”
It was while attending a funeral at Freshwater Surf Club in 2021 that Jacinta King first came across Funeral By Design’s founder, Karin Slade,…and it completely changed Jacinta’s view of the funeral industry and how a funeral could be done.
“Karin was the funeral director and the wake caterer for the funeral of Gary, who was my friend’s brother. Gary’s funeral was the first funeral I’d been to that really reflected the personality of the person who had died,” says Jacinta. “It didn’t feel rushed or formulaic. And it was held at a place that was meaningful to him and his family.”
“I’d always remembered Karin and just how special Gary’s funeral was, so when my father-in-law, James (Jim) King, passed away in June this year and his widow, Angela (my mother-in-law), asked me to organise the funeral service and the wake, I knew exactly who to call.”
“Sadly, Jim and Angela are at that stage of their life where they have attended a lot of funerals of their friends and family. Based on their past experience, Angela assumed that for Jim’s funeral we would get in touch with one of the big name funeral homes and book in the service at a time slot that was allocated to us at the local crematorium.
“Like most people, Angela did not realise we had another, better option, until I mentioned Karin and the funeral I’d attended earlier in the year.
“We decided to ring Karin instead and she was incredibly impressive right from the start. The first thing she said to us was to just stop, take a breath and take the time to grieve. Karin left us to regroup and just be with each other for 48 hours while she went ahead and started to sort all of the legal paperwork we needed and begin to organise the funeral.
“We originally rang Karin on the Friday and then she came to see us on the Sunday – there was no problem or extra charge because it was the weekend. She also brought Sarah Tolmie, an incredible funeral celebrant, with her and they both took the time to listen to us, learn about who Jim was and find out just how we wanted to celebrate Jim’s life.”
When Jacinta, Angela and the family began discussing the funeral and wake arrangements with Karin and Sarah, at first the conversation went down the track of an old school, traditional funeral, however, Karin had suggestions of ways to make it more personal that the family hadn’t even realised were possible.
“Because Karin had given us the headspace and the time to think, we were able to take on board what she was suggesting,” says Jacinta. “Both Karin and Sarah listened to what we wanted and they understood how to make it happen.
“We knew we wanted an event that was true to Jim and Davidson Park under Roseville Bridge had significance for our family. It was the special place we always went for family get-togethers and picnics – my son, Harrison, remembers Pop (Jim) helping him after he stepped on some oyster shells there.
“Until we spoke to Karin we didn’t realise we could even hold Jim’s funeral there!”
“Karin and Sarah were always available, which was incredibly impressive and also made the process so much easier — sometimes you need an answer now, not in an hour.
“Karin just made everything about the organisation process so easy because she truly thought of everything. As we were having the funeral outside, she also organised Forestville Memorial Hall as a backup, even getting it Covid cleaned for us.
“Being able to have the funeral and the wake in the one location organised by the one person was so important – it makes it so much easier for everyone. Karin has a mobile catering trailer with gas, so catering for an outside event is easy. She also organised the hire of the marques, the chairs, the glassware, the china and the PA system, as well as the live streaming, cooking all the food, providing the beverages and our celebrant, Sarah.
“There was so much work behind the scenes…Karin did absolutely everything for us.”
“Sarah, the celebrant, is also an angel — what an incredible team, they work so well together!
“The location was incredible and it turned out to be such a beautiful day for something so sad. Karin had helped us choose an amazing coffin and it was decorated with beautiful flowers.
“The catering van and the food and drink was set up off to one side so it didn’t take away from the view over the coffin to the water behind it and the marques did not dominate the view either – they were soft and subtle.
“The atmosphere was peaceful and calm…there was a real softness, we were able to slow things down because we knew we didn’t have to be rushed through a crematorium and we were not down to checking the minutes left.
“During the service Sarah encouraged us to have an open mike, even though we were worried about people waffling on, but it was actually one of the best parts of the funeral service. People later told us that they wished they had got up and spoken. The stories were respectful and grateful and we learned many things of significance from different parts of Jim’s life.
“I was very concerned about the PA system working properly outside and worried that we wouldn’t be heard. These concerns were also shared by others, however the PA system was just perfect and everyone commented on how well it worked and how great the sound was.”
“As funeral numbers were capped at 100 at the time of the funeral and there were many people from interstate and overseas who couldn’t be there, Karin organised a professional livestream.
“Everyone who watched the livestream said they felt like they were there – they had never seen anything like it.
“Jim and Angela are part of the community in Killarney Heights. They have lived in the area for 55 years and are always at the dog park, the local shops…the whole community is part of the family.
“People who couldn’t come to the funeral included this community in Killarney Heights, as well as close family and friends and the professional livestream let them all be a part of the service.”
“Karin was more than happy to cater for our dietary requirements, as well as including food that Jim loved. The wake menu included handmade Thai Fish cakes, because they were my husband, Scott’s, favourite and we are pescatarian. Karin also made a special dish that Angela requested, delicious salmon and avocado tarts.”
“We weren’t planning on having dessert but Karin suggested a mini dessert tray to go with the tea and coffee and it was simply divine. Her sweets platter was full of delicious morsels, including a dessert called a chocolate orgasm. Angela’s friends were laughing as they all took seconds and said ‘I’ve just had a double orgasm’ – it was some much needed light relief on what could have been such a sober occasion.”
“There was more than enough to drink and eat and every time you looked around the staff were there to serve you.”
“Karin and Sarah have totally changed my whole view of how funerals can be done. I’ve also had so much feedback from everyone who was there in person or watched the livestream or even used the link to watch the funeral later.
“Prior to the funeral, people were questioning our choice of outdoor location – now they are telling me it has totally changed their view on what a funeral looks like.
“Karin and Sarah are true cultural changers and forward thinkers…they are “can do women” who listen and they act.
“After the funeral I said to Karin and Sarah, ‘Know what you’ve done here today. You’ve really made a difference to everybody who is here and you should be proud of that.’
“This is how we have to do funerals.”
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