A full and remarkable life deserves to be celebrated in a meaningful way, and that’s exactly how Karen Claren farewelled her beloved father, Jürgen Claren, thanks to the advice and support of Funeral By Design’s Karin Slade.
“When doctors told us in July 2022 that Dad wouldn’t make another week due to his heart issues and pneumonia, I was in shock,” says Karen. “A girlfriend helped me out and rang around funeral homes and sent me the three best quotes, but I was in deep denial at that stage so I didn’t look at the quotes.
“After a remarkable recovery, Dad then unexpectedly passed away 4 months later in November 2022, and I had to finally dig up those quotes.
“Quote 1 was too detailed and I couldn’t get hold of the funeral director.
“Quote 2, which my friend pointed out was probably the ‘cheapest’ and totally in line with dad’s ‘no frills’ approach, came from a funeral director who whilst polite and helpful in answering all my questions on the phone, came across a little rote and detached. He was overly focussed on pointing out ‘prices’ during our conversation. This business manner really depressed me.
“Quote 3 was from Karin Slade from Funerals By Design. And as soon as I phoned Karin, I was struck by her personable manner, sincerity and attention.
“One of the very first things Karin said to me was, ‘So, tell me about your dad’.”
“It was THE most powerful thing ever! It was as if she opened my heart, looked right into it and took my hand.
“I immediately knew I’d found the right person to arrange Dad’s farewell. The focus was not on the cost of this or that. It was all about Dad.”
Karin listens and genuinely cares about you
“Karin’s rapport is authentic and magical because she really does care. Her warmth and genuine care factor was priceless to put together this important and most memorable day.
“She asked lots of questions and really listened, she wanted to understand who my dad really was and make a connection. She learnt about his love of a good party and how sailing was a big part of his life.
“Dad was practical and became a bit frugal as he aged. He had always made it clear he wanted a ‘no frills’ funeral, saying, ‘I don’t want any of that formal fuss. Just pop me in a cardboard box and then scatter my ashes in the Pacific Ocean’ – it was an ongoing joke between us!”
“When I told Karin about Dad’s wishes, she replied, ‘Why not! We have a range of environmentally friendly and affordable cardboard coffins and caskets. We even have a boat that we regularly use for scattering of ashes’.
“And as it turned out, Karin’s funeral fees were actually less than Quote 2 that we received from ‘Mr budget’ funerals!”
Karin is not only an experienced funeral director – she is also a wake caterer and event manager
“Nothing was a problem for Karin. I hate crematoriums and dreaded the thought that we had to hold the service there but Karin simply said, ‘You don’t have to’. It was a revelation and a relief to know we could create our own personalised funeral befitting to dad’s personality.
“Karin took over all of the unpleasantries and necessities, she shielded me from what was difficult for me, metaphorically holding my hand all the way. She organised dad’s transfer from hospital to the cremation and returned his ashes to me in the special urn I’d chosen.
“What makes Karin special is that besides being a practised funeral director, she is a professional caterer and event manager. Whatever you need, Karin can organise it.
“Karin was able to help guide or manage every minute arrangement aspect of my dad’s passing. I found that extraordinary – not having to deal with a myriad of people.
“Karin literally and figuratively helped me keep ‘it together’.”
Karin empowered me with the idea that Dad’s memorial could be held when we were ready
“As Dad had passed just before the end-of-year festive season, I was not physically nor emotionally ready for a funeral that seemed so ill timed. Karin empowered me with the idea and acceptance that this can be done ‘whenever you’re ready’.
“That was the most powerful statement, as I was still in a ‘dense fog of grief’ for weeks after Dad’s death, trying to process my loss, as Dad and I were very close. I needed the clarity and time to really prepare a beautiful service that would truly celebrate Dad’s personality and amazing 82 years of life.
“So just four days after losing Dad we held our own simple and very intimate service at the exact moment of his cremation.
Instead of being at the crematorium, we were on the side of the hill overlooking the ocean and Warriewood beach, drinking champagne, and reading some of the poems Dad had written, with flowers and photos of Dad.
“Not having the memorial at the time as the cremation allowed us the time to contact all our friends and family across the globe, gather photos and anecdotes, and lovingly and calmly prepare to celebrate Dad in a more befitting way that reflected his unique character.”
Karin makes the person centre stage and brings them back to life
“Karin’s exceptional communication and listening skills give her the remarkable ability to join all the little dots and make your loved one’s farewell an incredibly special and meaningful celebration.
“People tend to assume a funeral needs to follow a formula, all solemn and serious. Instead, Karin makes you realise that whilst it’s a time to honour and pay respects, it is also a time of celebration and that there is no such thing as a pre-prescribed funeral.
“For me, the most amazing thing about Karin was how she normalised death, dissolved the fear and discomfort, helped create acceptance and see the beauty of really celebrating life.
“Karin makes your departed loved one front and centre of the celebration, almost bringing them ‘back to life’.
Karin guides you all the way and lets you decide how much you’d like to be involved
“While guiding you all the way, Karin lets you decide how you’d like to be involved in the planning. She brainstorms with you, offers solutions and gives great ideas, taking over any aspect too uncomfortable for you. Nothing was ever a problem for Karin!
“Karin asked detailed questions about Dad, his lifestyle and interests. So when she learnt of his love of water, she aptly suggested a waterside venue for his memorial service.
“Suddenly, the memorial became centred on Dad and his love of life, parties, friends, travel, adventure, and most of all his desire for an informal farewell in the style and manner he enjoyed.
“Karin gently nudges you, keeping you focussed, without being pushy. She takes over all the organising in a totally efficient yet caring manner. Even juggling so many balls, keeping all on track, she is always calm, and friendly, and always ‘on the ball’.
“To be honest, I did wonder at times, as she looked a little too relaxed considering all the arrangements she was managing. But she was a consummate professional from start to finish! Like Teflon, Karin simply does not let any drama stick.”
Karin and her team really helped personalise the whole memorial down to the very last detail
“We chose not to have a celebrant so Karin did the opening. Karin and her team really helped personalise the whole memorial down to the very last detail – this would have meant so much to Dad!
“Knowing Dad’s passion for sailing, Karin had suggested Bayview Yacht Racing Association as a wake venue, just near where he used to moor his boat. It could not have been more personal and apt.
“Dad loved Persian rugs and had them scattered throughout his home. Against the advice of every caring friend and occupational therapist that they created a fall risk and his likely demise (which they didn’t), he defiantly kept them. His determination to keep his beloved rugs was a standing joke amongst everyone!
“So, we included his rugs at every gathering: sitting on them on the grassy Warriewood beachside hill on the day of his cremation, as well as spreading them in the BYRA hall on the day of the memorial.
“Dad was also a great reader so Karin and her team set up a library corner for people to take a book of his to remember him by.
“We all felt his presence because of the way the venue had been personalised to truly reflect Dad.”
Everyone at Jürgen’s celebration of life said it was the best memorial ever
“Thanks to Karin, Dad’s memorial was a true celebration of his life and reflection of who he was.
“Breathtaking floral arrangements with specific African flowers signified, Dad’s happiest years living in South Africa, and where a big part of his heart lay. We also had a display of all his toastmaster trophies as he was a renowned public speaker.
“Dad really loved entertaining, so we had a playlist of his favourite music while serving his much loved choice of food and drinks.
“Karin tailored a menu of dad’s ultimate favourite foods: cold prawns, crumbed calamari, Asian delicacies, his favourite cheeses, cold meats, dips with baguette, plus the cold beers and champagne – it was just the way he would have wanted it!
“As everyone left the event they said it was the most extraordinary and unique memorial they had ever been to!”
Livestreaming the memorial allowed us to connect with Dad’s friends from all over the world
“Dad’s career took him across South Africa into Germany and later to Australia, where he made many connections and friends.
“After being diagnosed with only 5 years to live back in 1993, Dad decided to retire early, defy the odds and live life to the fullest, embarking on epic travel adventures. Dad truly embraced life. His humour and incredibly outgoing upbeat disposition was even noted in his medical records!
“Because Dad diligently stayed in touch with so many of his family and friends throughout his years, he had multiple connections with people across time and continents. Karin suggested we professionally live stream the service to include his overseas family and friends. Many phoned to tell me how special that was, they still rewatch the recording.
“People tuned in to the streamed service from Germany, Holland, UK, South Africa, USA, Philippines, Bali … from all over the world.”
Karin has an amazing network – she really can organise anything!
“It was Karin’s idea to have a big group photo on the deck. We all cheered ‘Jay’(Dad’s nickname) instead of ‘cheese’. It was such a heartwarmingly funny and special moment. There were some people I’d never met before, and the ambience created such a lovely connection between everyone.
“Karin also helped organise a magnificent photo slideshow which beautifully chronicled dad’s life – she has an amazing network so anything can be done. On the day, her staff were all so professional and beautifully dressed. Everything went so smoothly, and way, way exceeded my expectations. It was magical.
“We never had to discuss the details of costs – we simply focussed on what Dad would have wanted.
“Karin’s pricing is sensible and she is totally transparent. I knew she wouldn’t overcharge – and she didn’t.”
Karin invests all of herself and goes above and beyond
“Karen allows you to be vulnerable at the most vulnerable time of your life. And she also gives you licence to laugh and cry and joke, but all all done in good taste.
“Dad and Mum were totally estranged, and apart from one of my children, I had no other direct family in Australia to help with the funeral, so Karin was a real anchor at a time when I would oscillate between feeling lost and totally overwhelmed.
“Even the day after the memorial and still from time to time, Karin continues to check in with me: she just phones me up to say hi, how are you doing, which is incredibly special. She provides such a professional service but she also invests herself personally and has a huge heart.
“She continues to help in so many ways. Karin is well connected and able to refer you to services you need ‘afterwards’, like people to help me empty Dad’s house. Karin truly goes way beyond the level of service she is required to deliver.
“Unconditionally generous with her time and attention, Karin is not motivated by money or profit, she simply makes time to support you.”
Thanks to Karin, Dad’s memorial actually made me feel happy not sad
“Karin truly helped me make this the most beautiful day ever, and more special than I had imagined possible. In fact, I had such a good time at Dad’s memorial and everyone loved it so much we’ve now decided to have an annual memorial for Dad on his birthday!
“Family and friends all said ‘Jürgen would have loved to be there’ or ‘it feels like Jürgen is actually here with us’.
“Ironically, in all the days, weeks and months since Dad’s death, that day has been the happiest for me during this grieving period. I feel totally at peace that I gave Dad a ‘jolly good send off’ – just as he would have wanted.
“Thanks to Karin, there truly couldn’t have been a better tribute to my amazing dad.”
