Posted by Nicola Elkington in Blog, Stories on October 6th, 2025
When someone you love passes away, their belongings often remain behind like echoes, reminders of a life lived and moments shared. Deciding what to do with those items can be one of the more emotional and overwhelming parts of the grieving process.
Every object holds a story. A scarf still carrying their scent. A handwritten birthday card tucked away in a drawer. A cupboard full of teacups they insisted on using “only for guests”.
Letting go of these things — or choosing to hold on — isn’t just about tidying up. It’s about memory, meaning, and moving forward gently.
There’s no perfect way to begin, but here are some thoughts to guide you through this process with care.
“Mum’s life was always full of love, creativity, adventure, with a strong passion for education and learning,” shares Emily.
“At a young age she lived in Russia, while studying the language at university, and later worked as a ships interpreter on commercial cruise liners which is where she met her husband, Keith.”
Mary had a Master of Arts degree in Education and a passion for English and all languages, she rose to the head of the department of education specifically in ESOL Languages for, TAFE NSW. She spoke Russian and French and in her retirement, continued learning by attending adult courses in Spanish.
“Both Mum and Dad were originally from England, and they travelled widely for work on cruise ships, Dad as a musician, playing in various bands performing bass and piano and entertainment, and Mum as the ship’s interpreter. She also joined Dad on stage and hosted the events he performed on the ships with him.”
“Mum used to always joke: ‘The best way to travel the world is to get paid to do it!’
“After years of working on cruise ships, they both decided to emigrate to Australia where they lived in Vaucluse and started a family, they then moved out to the suburbs and bought a property to raise a growing family together.”
“In their later years they downsized, moving from the suburbs and returning to the Northern beaches into Maybrook Manor Retirement Village, this is where Mum and Karin Slade crossed paths, and was how she was inspired to plan her own farewell.”
“All of her life, Mum never stopped learning and she was always generous with that knowledge too, helpful, practical, and ready to share what she knew. She loved to learn and to prepare, was organised and thoughtful and always looking for better ways to do things.
“After hearing Karin’s talk on planning your own funeral, she bought Karin’s book, Where There’s A Will There’s a Wake and quietly began putting arrangements in place, for both Dad and herself.”
“We were all in shock and didn’t know what to do after Mum suddenly passed, however to our relief and surprise we discovered she’d already organised everything!
“In the front of a notebook, Mum had written a mobile number with a note that said ‘call this number and ask for Karin’. Since we weren’t sure what to do we called it and Karin answered, immediately coming to our aid, with kindness, support and guidance.
“Everything Mum wanted and didn’t want was also written in the book, including things we had no idea about. She didn’t want a funeral, didn’t want anyone to see her body and she didn’t want to be buried, as she was always a free spirit.
“Mum wanted to be cremated and she included all of the details about the type of wake she wanted, right down to the guest list for the scattering of her ashes.
“Everything was very clearly laid out, however the one thing that had us puzzled were the words ‘Two Up’. Mum had never played two up so we didn’t understand why she was asking for Two Up to be played at her farewell.
“It was only after talking to Karin that these words finally made sense.
“Karin also owns a company called Sailing By Design and one of their services is scattering of ashes on a catamaran called Too Up. After years of working on cruise ships and meeting Dad there, Mum had decided she wanted her ashes to be scattered in Sydney Harbour off Too Up!
“But first, we had a celebration of life to organise. And thanks to Mum and Karin Slade, we knew exactly what Mum wanted for this too.”
“Right from the start, Karin arranged everything for us, including obtaining the death certificate, putting us in touch with the celebrant, Sara Tomie, and organising the celebration of life. Nothing was too much trouble.
“We were so glad Mum had found Karin as through the entire process Karin always asked us what we wanted and reminded us to check the note pad to confirm if it was what Mum would have wanted too.
“Karin was amazing, helping us to narrow down choices and make decisions, even when there were disagreements in the family about how things should be done.
“Mum didn’t want her farewell to be heavy or sad. She wanted to have a celebration of life instead of a funeral, a casual and relaxed event at the retirement village where she and Dad lived and held in the hall where they often attended trivia.
“We thought about 40 people would come, however more than twice the amount of people came to say goodbye to our Mum!
“My eldest son, Jamie, had a big trip booked when Mum passed and had told her all about his plans which she was delighted to hear about. Because travel was such a big part of Mum’s life, he was encouraged to take it as we knew his nan would have wanted him to go, so he wasn’t able to be at her farewell.
“Daniel, my youngest son, gave his first public speech ever at the age of 16 on behalf of his elder brother James and sister Lenna. My 12 year old twin nieces Annabelle and Matilda stood alongside him and also bravely spoke.
“My sister Natalie, Mum’s second born, led the speeches beautifully with a detailed celebration of life story that she had actually written with Mum years before, for a school project as it was fittingly based on mum’s life.
“After our family friends Michelle and Madina delivered powerful parting words, we then invited others to join in to share their memories. Mum’s youngest son-in-law John graciously led, being kindly followed by some of Mum’s lifelong friends who also bravely shared their memories of her too.”
“Mum had planned the food and the music. She asked that we play Maggie May (of course!), Don’t Go Changing (it was Mum and Dad’s song), as well as Sailing (Mum was a huge Rod Stewart fan!).
“Because Mum was a lover of education and was still educating herself and others, Karin suggested we make a display of some of her books and give away the books along with a bookmark we had made. There was a collage of photos and as she was also a painter, we had her paintings displayed as well.
“Growing up in England, Mum’s favourite flowers were daffodils, so we also had an arch made of daffodils around her photograph. While she was in hospital, Mum asked us to plant some daffodils, which we had already planned to plant for her, the weekend she passed.
“Hearing of the significance of daffodils to Mum, Karin suggested to us that we organise the scattering of ashes to be held on Daffodil Day, which is a day of great significance for our family who has been affected by several types of cancer in the last few years.”
“On Friday the 22nd August, the day after Daffodil Day, the list of people Mum had specified in the book all boarded Karin’s boat, Too Up, in Sydney Harbour to scatter her ashes.
“Near Sirius Cove, close to Taronga Zoo, we stopped and gathered at the back of the boat. Mum’s ashes had been carried on board in a locked suitcase, and when the moment came, we released them gently into the harbour.
“On the boat, Mum’s grandsons, James and Lachlan, stood together and spoke. James (21) shared heartfelt parting words of their nan to the group, to begin the scattering of ashes and daffodils. Lachlan (9) bravely addressed the group and thanked all who came to say ‘good bye to our nan’ in closing.
“To honour her, we brought daffodils, removing the stems and scattering the petals into the water so they floated across the surface like a soft yellow carpet.
“Even though the seas were rough and the day wasn’t easy, the daffodils drifting on the harbour are etched in my mind. That was Mum’s farewell, imperfect, yet beautiful, just like life itself.”
“When Mum passed unexpectedly in May, we had no idea she had already organised her farewell. Discovering her plans was a gift as it meant we could gather, remember, and send her off exactly as she wanted.
“Knowing what she wanted took a lot of the pressure off us all and let us focus on family. In farewelling her, Karin made it all happen, calmly, kindly, and exactly to Mum’s wishes.
“From writing Where There’s a Will There’s a Wake to giving the talk at Mum’s retirement village, organising the celebration of life, personalising every detail and arranging the ash-scattering off her boat, Karin made it possible to farewell Mum in the best way possible.”
Posted by Nicola Elkington in Blog, Stories on July 7th, 2025
When someone you love passes away, their belongings often remain behind like echoes, reminders of a life lived and moments shared. Deciding what to do with those items can be one of the more emotional and overwhelming parts of the grieving process.
Every object holds a story. A scarf still carrying their scent. A handwritten birthday card tucked away in a drawer. A cupboard full of teacups they insisted on using “only for guests”.
Letting go of these things — or choosing to hold on — isn’t just about tidying up. It’s about memory, meaning, and moving forward gently.
There’s no perfect way to begin, but here are some thoughts to guide you through this process with care.
Start by identifying the belongings that spark something in you — a sense of connection, a treasured memory, or a warm feeling of familiarity. These items might be small and personal: a piece of jewellery, a favourite jumper, or a note in their handwriting.
It’s not about keeping everything — it’s about keeping something that helps you feel close. What you keep can become a quiet source of comfort in the months and years ahead.
And if other family members or friends share a close bond with your loved one, consider passing on items that might carry meaning for them too. A shared photo, a recipe book, or even a simple mug can find new life in another home.
Sometimes, the hardest part of letting go is the fear of forgetting. But you don’t have to keep every object to honour the memory. Taking photos of sentimental items can help preserve the emotional connection without needing to store everything physically.
Photograph a well-worn armchair, a collection of teacups, or even a wardrobe full of vintage dresses — anything that holds meaning. These digital keepsakes can be compiled into a memory album or slideshow, allowing you to revisit those moments without cluttering your space.
This approach can be especially helpful when space is limited or when you’re trying to compromise with family members about what to keep. You’re still holding onto the essence — just in a more manageable way.
Giving their things away can feel hard, but it can also feel good. If your loved one cared about a particular cause, donating their clothes, books, or household items can be a beautiful way to extend their legacy.
Think about charities or organisations that reflect their values. Donating doesn’t just clear space; it can bring a sense of purpose during grief.
It’s a way of helping others, while also honouring the spirit of someone you miss deeply.
Some belongings won’t hold emotional or financial value, and that’s okay. But just because they belonged to your loved one is not a reason to keep them.
Outdated electronics, broken items, old paperwork — they don’t need to take up space or energy. When it feels right, let go.
If possible, recycle or repurpose to reduce waste. You may find some comfort in knowing that even in saying goodbye to these things, you’re doing it thoughtfully.
Certain items — such as vintage furniture, artwork, or collectables — may hold financial value, but they hold no sentimental value for you.
If you’re feeling guilty about selling an item, remember: choosing to sell something doesn’t mean you’re letting go of the person. It might simply be a way to support your own future — something your loved one would likely want for you.
If you do decide to sell, take your time. Talk to a professional appraiser or estate sale expert if you’re unsure where to start.
Grief can stir up big feelings, especially when multiple family members want the same treasured item
If the item has not been assigned to a particular family member in their will and conflict arises, try to approach it with open-hearted conversation. Sometimes, sharing memories attached to those items can lead to compromise or new perspectives.
When conversations stall or become stressful, involving a neutral third party — such as a mediator or grief counsellor — can help keep things respectful and fair.
Remember, the goal is not to “win,” but to honour relationships above possessions. After all, is a piece of jewellery or a painting worth sacrificing relationships for?
At Funerals By Design, we understand how emotionally complex it can be to sort through a loved one’s belongings.
Sorting through a loved one’s possessions can take weeks, months or even longer. Just remember there’s no deadline on grief, and no rush to finish. Be kind to yourself. Rest when you need to. Ask for help when it feels too much.
If you’re not quite ready to make decisions, or need support with the practical side of things, our Frog Files can help you take that first step. It’s designed to guide you through the process gently and thoughtfully—because letting go shouldn’t mean forgetting.
At the end of the day, it’s not the things themselves that matter most — it’s the love, the memories, and the meaning they hold.
Whether you keep, share, donate, or let go, what truly endures is the connection you carry forward.
Posted by Nicola Elkington in Blog, Stories on May 30th, 2025
When Nick and Ben Riley lost their beloved mother, Carol Barbara Riley — poignantly on her father’s birthday — they wanted to honour her in a way that celebrated her life.
Nick and Ben knew instinctively that her farewell had to be different. Not a formal, sombre funeral, but rather a celebration of everything Carol loved: family, food, friendship, flowers, and nature.
As they began planning a farewell that would truly reflect who their mum was, a family friend recommended they contact Karin Slade at Funerals By Design.
From the very first conversation, Karin’s warmth, honesty, and calming presence made an immediate difference.
Carol, known for her caring nature, loyalty, and love of cooking and family traditions, had built a beautiful life rooted in love, kindness, and connection.
Having moved to Australia from the UK in 1987, she nurtured lifelong friendships, especially with her close friend Penny, with whom she had enjoyed regular swims at the Bilgola Pool.
“Together with Karin,” explains Nick, “ We decided to hold Mum’s life celebration at Bilgola Surf Club, a venue filled with natural light and ocean views.
“It was the perfect choice: Mum had always loved nature, flowers, and the beach, and she had swum at the nearby Bilgola Pool for over 35 years.”
Nick and Ben were clear about the way they wanted to farewell their mum. They wanted a relaxed, informal gathering that reflected Carol’s spirit.
“Mum was a caring, nurturing, and selfless woman. Originally from the UK, she had built a vibrant, full life in Australia after moving here in 1987 with Dad.”
“Mum originally worked at a bank in the UK and then stopped working at 25 to look after us while we were growing up , eventually re-entering the workforce when she was 51. She became the ‘office culture manager’ and was a mother figure and counsellor to her many workmates.
“She was deeply loyal to her family and friends, the kind of woman who sent handwritten cards, baked pastries and buns, and always gathered loved ones together around a table laden with delicious food — especially her famous English roast with Yorkshire pudding and fresh bread.”
“Karin helped focus the day around what mattered most — beautiful food (a nod to Carol’s love of preparing feasts, especially English roasts and baked treats), vibrant flowers, meaningful photos, and heartfelt speeches.”
“A highlight of the day was the beautiful table set with flowers, a generous grazing spread of cheeses and fruit (one of Carol’s favourites), and personal mementos.”
Karin suggested creating a printed photo collage, encouraging impromptu story-sharing among family and friends. Technology was deliberately kept out — everything was tangible, warm, and inviting, just like Carol would have wanted.
Nick and Ben gave moving speeches with the ocean waves crashing in the background — a perfect soundtrack to a life so deeply loved.
Some of the other personal touches included:
Rose Quartz Gifts: Guests were given rose quartz tumble stones in baby pink velvet bags, representing love and peace — two qualities Carol embodied.
Pink and Purple Decorations: Soft baby pink and purple accents featured throughout the decor — Carol’s favourite colours.
Beautiful Floral Arrangements: An abundance of flowers created a relaxed, welcoming atmosphere that felt vibrant and natural, just like Carol.
Fabulous Food: A generous grazing table of cheeses, fruits, and delicious platters paid tribute to Carol’s love of food and her passion for bringing people together around meals.
Printed Photos: Nick and Ben decided to develop and print out physical photos rather than rely on screens. The tangible photo displays sparked spontaneous stories, laughter, and memories — creating a deeply personal and communal experience.
Moving Music: With the sound of the Bilgola waves in the background, Nick and Ben gave heartfelt speeches. Ben also played a song on his guitar, bringing a gentle, emotional close to the ceremony.
An Open Fire: The Bilgola Surf Club has a fireplace that reminded Nick and Ben of childhood visits to their Nana and Pop’s home in the UK (Carol’s parents) where they would always have an open fire.
Karin supported Nick and Ben through every step of organising Carol’s celebration of life, — from facilitating the cremation arrangements to helping inspect and confirm Bilgola Surf Club as the perfect venue to organising the celebration of life and even helping facilitate taking Carol’s ashes back to the UK.
“Karin’s motherly warmth, intuition, and experience made all the difference,” says Nick.
“She gently prompted decisions when needed, liaised with the venue, arranged beautiful options for Mum’s urn and even took candid photos on the day — understanding that we wanted to be present with our family and friends without worrying about logistics.”
Thanks to Karin’s support — including careful handling of Carol’s ashes and documentation for travel — Nick and Ben were able to bring Carol’s memory to life across two continents. Following the Australian celebration, Nick and Ben carried Carol’s ashes back to the UK.
“Karin also helped us to select an urn — a delicate baby pink and silver urn that could hold a small candle — and ensured it met overseas travel regulations so we could take Mum’s ashes to the UK for a second celebration with her family living over there.”
There, Nick and Ben recreated a similar tribute with family: gathering by a roaring fire (inspired by their childhood memories and Carol’s English heritage), surrounded by flowers, photos, and traditional British food. Once again, music, warmth, and storytelling were at the heart.
“Right from the start, Karin was completely transparent about costs, helping us to avoid unnecessary expenses and ensuring that the money was spent thoughtfully, without any pressure or upselling.
“Importantly, she guided us honestly about where we could save money, helping us to create a beautiful farewell without unnecessary expense — something we greatly valued.
“She made sure everything ran smoothly, facilitated all the cremation arrangements and guided us through the necessary paperwork, making the formal side as stress-free as possible.”
At every step, Karin made a profoundly difficult time easier with her thoughtfulness, experience, and genuine care. Nick and Ben felt fully supported, never pressured, and always heard.
“Karin was so warm, friendly and supportive, it was like having another family member there. Karin has such a ‘motherly’ presence — someone who simply understood what we needed, even before we did.
“It was our first time organising a farewell. Having Karin there, knowing she had both professional and personal experience, made all the difference. She helped us honour Mum exactly as she deserved — with love, dignity, and warmth.
“She knew when to guide us and when to let us take the lead. Everything she did made a tough time easier — and made the day feel exactly like Mum.
“We’ll always be grateful.”
Posted by Nicola Elkington in Blog, Stories on December 13th, 2024
When Joan Gauld died in July 2024, her daughter Jen had only been to two funerals before and she didn’t realise it was possible to personalise a funeral and a wake.
However, after Karin Slade from Funerals By Design and Heavenly Catering was recommended to her by a friend, Jen was relieved to discover she could farewell her mum in the way she would have wanted to be farewelled.
Jen explains how Karin made the entire funeral and wake planning process easy and seamless, not only going above and beyond to support Jen and her family in their time of grief, but continuing to reach out and support them after the event.
“My mum was incredibly kind and never had a bad word to say about anyone, “ says Jen. “She was a beautiful, fancy dresser, with ‘legs for days’.”
“She really was the best mum ever and it was a terrible shock when she was sadly diagnosed with early onset dementia at the age of 62.
“Mum had 5 years of living at home with my dad in their home in Davidson while she was still aware of her disease, however we eventually had to move her into Group Homes Australia (GHA) dementia care home in St Ives at the age of 69.
“I was so grateful she was able to be there throughout my whole pregnancy and lucid enough to see my son being born. She asked me about my pregnancy every single day.
“Her first granddaughter (my brother’s daughter) was born a year after my son, however sadly Mum was not really aware enough by this stage to understand she had a granddaughter as well. I’m sure that being in lockdown during Covid really had a big impact on Mum’s decline as well as other patients who were suffering from dementia.
“Mum eventually died at the age of 71, three years after she had moved into the dementia care home. She had lived with early onset dementia for nine years.”
“We didn’t specifically discuss Mum’s funeral and wake plans with her as she had gone into a depression about her dementia diagnosis and so talking about her funeral would have been very traumatic for her.
“However, she had previously discussed her wishes to be cremated with Dad and we knew exactly what Mum loved and would have wanted. Mum was religious, but we also knew she would also have wanted her funeral to be uplifting and for us to remember the good things and celebrate the good times we shared with her.
“Even though we had not discussed funeral and wake plans with Mum, we actually started thinking about the funeral director we would use when she moved into the dementia care home as they needed us to nominate a funeral director they could contact in case of death.
“Karin was recommended to us by my friend Zara, who had previously used Karin for catering and had heard that Karin was now also a funeral director.
“When we met Karin at the surf club, she was so like my mum! We also discovered we had a lot of mutual connections and Karin immediately became a friend.”
“About three weeks before she died, Mum got pneumonia and she hadn’t responded to the antibiotics she was administered. Thinking this might be the end, I called Karin and she was so incredibly supportive.
“Mum eventually pulled through her bout of pneumonia, however because we had started the funeral planning process before she passed it made the whole process easier when she eventually did go, three weeks later.
“Karin really made the entire experience so seamless as she listened to us and there was no rigid structure and no rules. I had only been to two funerals before so I didn’t realise it was possible to personalise a funeral and a wake in the way that Karin and the Funerals By Design team do.
“It made us so happy we could farewell Mum in the way she would have wanted to be farewelled.’
“Karin suggested Bilgola Surf Club as a venue and it was absolutely perfect as Mum and Dad loved the beach, having coffee and exploring new places to have coffee. Dad grew up on the beaches and he had been a Newport SCC member.
“Karin’s staff were absolutely phenomenal and they made the day perfect—I can’t thank Karin and her Funerals By Design/Heavenly Catering team enough.
“There was not a single thing I would change about the day. However, my only regret was that I didn’t take any photos myself as I was focused on being in the moment. Luckily Karin and her team took plenty of photos.
“We also live streamed the funeral too as we didn’t want to have our little ones there, distracting us from being present in the moment. They were too young to understand what was going on anyway.
“Karin put us in contact with Steve who did an amazing job organising the audiovisual and livestreaming the funeral so we could show Mum’s grandkids later on at a time when they could understand.”
“We were so touched that there were over 100 people at her funeral. We were only expecting maybe 60-80 people but luckily Karin bought extra chairs.
“The religious part of the funeral was beautifully conducted by Sara Tolmie, the celebrant Karin often works with.
“The surf club looked so beautiful. We had a screen with Mum’s photo, a photo montage and a memory book people could write in. There was a cross hanging on green grass with flowers and a cremation box instead of a coffin as we had a non-attendance cremation before the service.
“My friend is a florist and she created incredible floral arrangements using Mum’s favourite coloured flowers of purples and pinks, adding in some reds and yellows.”
“The tables with champagne glasses were beautifully decorated and straight after the ceremony we raised our glasses and had a ‘cheers’ for Mum.
“At every stage of the day the wait staff were checking I was okay. Karin hires the right kind of people; people who are genuine and caring, always going above and beyond.
“Karin had asked me if there were any special foods Mum enjoyed that we would like to serve on the day, however Mum wasn’t a big foodie. She was a light eater as she was very slim and wanted to maintain her figure.
“As one of Mum’s best friends said to me, your mum would have just liked to make people happy. She would prefer the majority of people to feel comfortable and eat what they enjoy so Karin served lots of yummy finger foods that were easy to eat, followed by delicious desserts.
“When I went to an intuitive psychic after the event, she told me that my mum had said to her, ‘thanks for caring for her so well, she loved the send off”!”
“Nothing is ever too much trouble with Karin and she never missed a phone call. If she was on the phone she would always ring me back as soon as she could.
“During the period of time I was organising Mum’s farewell I was having a really difficult time with my four-year old. When I’d ring Karin she was always just so supportive, kind and understanding.
“No matter the situation Karin has an ability to take the stress off you and nothing is ever too much trouble. She is always asking what she can do to help.
“Months after the funeral Karin is still actively reaching out to our family. She likes to follow up and continues to call Dad and she also calls me to check in and see how we are.
“We have a strong emotional connection, share a mutual trust and have become true friends.
“What really sets Karin apart from others is her kindness, her care and her connection to people. Karin really is a unicorn and an angel!”
Posted by Nicola Elkington in Blog, Stories on November 22nd, 2024
The first step to managing grief is to recognise and accept that these days may be difficult. You may feel overwhelmed, sad, nostalgic, or even angry—and that’s okay. Give yourself permission to feel whatever arises without judgement.
Bottling up emotions or forcing yourself to “be okay” can increase the weight of grief. Be prepared for sudden changes in grief too – you may think you’re coping but suddenly feel overwhelmed and sad. It is totally normal to experience sudden changes in mood and emotions.
Anticipating difficult days can give you a sense of control and allow you to prepare emotionally. Create a plan for how you want to spend the day such as honouring the memory of your loved one or seeking ways to focus on self-care.
You don’t have to stick to your schedule if you change your mind, however planning a schedule can prevent feelings of aimlessness that may amplify grief.
Honouring the memory of your loved one during special occasions can bring comfort. Consider lighting a candle, sharing stories, visiting their favourite place, preparing a dish they loved, or creating a memory box with cherished keepsakes.
Rituals give structure to grief, making it feel less isolating and more integrated into your healing journey.
Grief can change how we want to interact with others, especially on significant days. Be open with friends and family about what you’re going through.
If you need time alone or prefer company, express that. Loved ones can be a great source of comfort, but they may not know how to help unless you tell them what you need.
While it’s natural to miss old traditions, creating new ones can provide a sense of renewal and hope. Find ways to celebrate in a manner that feels right for you in your current stage of grief.
This could mean doing something entirely different, such as volunteering, travelling, or hosting a gathering that focuses on connection and healing.
Grief isn’t linear, and it doesn’t conform to any timetable. Special dates can reopen wounds you thought had healed. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.
Avoid unrealistic expectations about how you “should” feel or act. If you find yourself struggling, take breaks, rest, and engage in activities that soothe you.
Talking about your emotions can help you process your feelings with a sense of connection and validation. Share your feelings with trusted friends, join a support group, or speak with a grief counsellor.
Seeking professional help is a courageous and healthy step and grief counsellors are trained to provide tools and support that can guide you through the most challenging parts of your journey.
During emotionally charged times, it’s especially important to prioritise self-care. This can include physical activity, mindful meditation, creative outlets like writing or art, or simply taking time to rest.
Self-care grounds you and helps you cope more effectively with overwhelming emotions.
Feeling joy during moments of grief doesn’t diminish your love for the person you’ve lost. There is no reason to feel guilty about allowing yourself to experience joy again. Think about what your loved one would have wanted you to do.
Embracing joy when it comes is a part of healing and can coexist with the pain of loss. It’s okay to laugh, smile, or enjoy a moment of happiness, even on days that feel heavy.
While it can be deeply painful, it is also a testament to the bond you continue to carry. As you navigate these times, remember that you don’t have to carry the weight of grief alone.
By honouring your feelings, leaning on support, and finding ways to create meaning amidst the pain, you can allow both healing and memory to coexist.
If you or someone you know is struggling, it’s important to seek support from loved ones, support groups, or professionals who can help light the way through dark times.
Remember, grief is a journey, not a destination—and you don’t have to walk it alone.
Posted by Nicola Elkington in Blog, Stories on October 11th, 2024
Funerals By Design are delighted to announce we have just been announced as the NSW State Winner of the Funeral Services category in the 2024 Australian Achiever Awards!
Here’s what the judges had to say about the eight customer service values we were assessed on for the award.
Following the judging of Australia’s SPECIALISED SERVICES & SUPPLIES – FUNERAL SERVICES category, in the 2024 Australian Achiever Awards we are pleased to report that Funerals by Design achieved a score of 99.55% for customer relations and service. This is an outstanding result at a level very few achieve and shows that your customer service approach is one of the highest standards.
CONGRATULATIONS!
This high score makes Funerals by Design the 2024 NSW State Winner for this category.
The following analysis of your score across all customer and trade references provides an indication of how your business rates over eight customer service values:
October 2024
MEDIA RELEASE
FUNERALS BY DESIGN SCORES 99.55% FOR CUSTOMER SATISFACTION
The judging process for the 2024 Australian Achiever Awards for Australia’s Specialised Services & Supplies – Funeral Services category was completed on 26th September.
Funerals by Design scored 99.55% and was awarded NSW State Winner for this category.
Now in its twenty-seventh year, the Australian Achiever Awards are an independent, unbiased award system based on assessment ratings from a business’s own customers. The awards provide an indication of a well-run business where satisfied customers are a sign that a business is healthy, worthy of praise and increased custom.
The award system focuses on eight criteria, each scored separately, namely: Time Related Service, Addressing Client Needs, Care and Attention, Value, Attitude, Communication, Overall Perception, and Referral. The criteria are rated individually in percentage terms and the final score is an amalgam of these. Anything above 80% overall is regarded as exceptional and reflects outstanding customer service.
Some of the comments Australian Achiever received from Funerals by Design clients are:
I initially met Karin about two years ago, and then my mum passed away last month. Karin returned my call immediately, and I met with her a few times. She took the pressure off us and did not add extra costs for the funeral process. She sent photos and audio to her team for the funeral, and everything went well on the day. It was stress-free, and the speeches went well. The process was as best as it can be when you are grieving. Karin is lovely and friendly, and I now consider her a friend. She organised the digital download of the funeral and followed up post-funeral with ideas, which blew both my Dad and me away.
Karin handled my concerns with the utmost respect, especially as it was during COVID. She was attentive and supportive and went out of her way to secure a place through the council. I very much appreciated her help and that of her staff at Funerals by Design. She handled everything so very well. And she also provided me with a copy of her book.
Karin from Funerals by Design is efficient and gentle, and she eased us through the process. She made the cremation procedure as gentle as possible. She is supportive and checked up on us, even a few months after the funeral. The care she shows for family members is genuine. Karin gives you an alternative to a funeral home. She aims to get to know the deceased so she can work out what is best for the family. The service she provides is over and above.
We’d like to say a huge thank you to all of our clients who took the time to provide the many references, feedback and testimonials on which our commitment to customer service excellence was judged.
We are incredibly proud to receive this acknowledgement of our unwavering commitment to delivering exceptional service, personalising every aspect of the funeral experience, and going above and beyond for our clients during their most difficult times.
We also like to extend our heartfelt thanks to our clients for their trust and support, and we look forward to continuing to provide the highest level of care, compassion, and professionalism in every service we offer.
Posted by Nicola Elkington in Blog, Stories on August 9th, 2024
If you’re concerned about the recent spikes in the cost of living, you probably won’t be surprised when you also see the cost of dying.
Not only is death as inevitable as taxes, but these days the cost of a funeral can be almost as big a financial shock as your tax bill.
Funeral costs vary widely, with the overall price ranging from a few thousand dollars to well over ten thousand, but the cost of a funeral does not necessarily reflect the quality of the service you’ll receive.
Let’s take a closer look at why funerals have traditionally cost so much and how Funerals By Design offer compassionate and personalised services that respect both your wishes and your budget.
In 2020 the NSW government introduced new rules for the funeral industry to ensure greater price transparency after an investigation by consumer advocate Choice revealed that opaque pricing, upselling and misinformation were common in a funeral industry dominated by large, profit-driven businesses.
These new laws help customers to make more informed choices and to encourage more competitive business.
All funeral directors now need to clearly show information about the goods and services they offer for burial and cremations, including a price list, as well as provide you with a cost-itemised quote before you enter an agreement to carry out their funeral service.
However, what they don’t tell you is which services are necessary, which services are optional extras, what their mark-up is on items such as flowers and coffins, as well as what their professional services’ fees include.
Here are the five main reasons why many funeral homes get away with charging too much for a funeral.
What is most essential to you when planning the funeral of a loved one?
Is it an expensive coffin with gold handles and a silk lining? Or is it the thought and care put into honouring your loved one and ensuring their farewell is personal, truly reflecting who they were?
Whether you decide to farewell someone you love with a funeral, cremation, burial, memorial service, wake or a celebration of life, at Funerals By Design we are here to help you make sure the funeral is truly a reflection of the person whose life we are celebrating.
Funerals by Design founder, Karin Slade, is passionate about helping you to say goodbye in a meaningful way that is all about the life you are celebrating… reflecting their style, personality and story in so many ways with personalised touches.
We offer alternatives to farewelling your loved ones with either a formal, traditional service held in a church or an impersonal, “cookie cutter” service rushed through a crematorium.
And we don’t charge you for services you don’t want or need. You get to decide what items you would like included.
At Funerals by Design we are passionate about providing authentic, compassionate, affordable and better ways to say goodbye.
Here’s how we offer a range of packages to suit different budgets, all while maintaining a high standard of care and service.
✔️We are an independent, family-owned funeral director.
✔️We are committed to making funerals affordable by only charging you for items and services you need.
✔️We itemise all of our services and products so you know exactly what you are paying for.
✔️We don’t try to upsell you services and products you don’t need or want.
✔️We give you the time you need to make decisions without pressure.
✔️By carefully selecting each element of the funeral and working with trusted partners, we ensure that even our most affordable options provide a dignified and memorable service.
✔️We simply charge you the cost price for each item, add 35% to the final bill (this is our profit margin) and then we donate 5% of our service fee to a charity of your choice.
If you have any questions or need assistance with funeral planning, please don’t hesitate to contact us. We’re here to help you every step of the way.
Posted by Nicola Elkington in Blog, Stories on May 10th, 2024
Birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentines’ Day, wedding anniversaries – significant dates can be especially hard to navigate when you’re coping with grief. So why do special dates hurt so much?
The significance of these dates lies in the memories and traditions attached to them. While these special days and dates were previously infused with joy and a reason for celebrations with the ones that you love, now they have become poignant reminders of the loved ones you’ve lost.
Whether it’s the absence of a parent, a child, a spouse, or someone who played an important role in your life, all of these occasions can stir a mix of emotions, from sadness and longing to regret and even anger.
As these dates approach, it’s natural to wonder how you’ll cope with the wave of emotions they bring. In fact, preparing for an anniversary or event can often induce more anxiety than the day itself, with apprehension, and uncertainty being common emotions during this time.
Coping with grief on special days can be particularly challenging, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in your feelings and that there are ways to navigate through them.
Here are some coping strategies that you might find useful.
By planning ahead you can help alleviate some of the pressure in the build up to the event.
Just remember, despite what you’ve planned, grief can be hard to anticipate and you may feel totally differently on the day itself. That’s okay too – be prepared for the unexpected and listen to your gut feelings.
Grief has no timetable and it can often manifest in unexpected ways, especially on significant dates.
Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise, whether it’s sadness, anger, or even relief. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and it’s essential to give yourself permission to experience your feelings fully.
Grief can be isolating, but chances are, others around you are also grappling with similar emotions. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups to share memories, seek comfort, or simply have someone to listen to you.
Sometimes it’s just too painful to be reminded of a special date that is significant to other people too, such as Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas or Valentine’s Day.
Taking the day off from social media on these significant dates is a good idea as you don’t feel overwhelmed with sadness seeing other people celebrating this significant day with the ones they love.
If certain dates feel like a struggle, you can also choose to simply ignore the day altogether. It doesn’t need to retain its significance for you; perhaps the memories of celebrating while your loved one was alive are sufficient.
It’s okay to take a step back and opt out of traditional celebrations. By giving yourself permission to ignore the day completely you can focus on activities that bring you comfort and joy.
Do things that help you to feel happy and relaxed, whether they involve going out and enjoying an outdoor activity, treating yourself to a pampering session, reading a good book or going to a film.
Find meaningful ways to honour the memory of your loved one on these significant dates.
This might involve the same cherished traditions you shared with them when they were still alive or you might want to create a brand new set of traditions to remember special days.
In times of grief, remember to be gentle with yourself, especially on these dates that trigger special memories of the one you loved.
Acknowledge that healing takes time and allow yourself breaks and self-care. Trust your instincts and learn to honour your loved one in your own way. Always prioritise listening to your own heart and spending the day in a way that feels authentic to you.
Grief is deeply personal and finding comfort lies in tuning into your own inner voice. Trust yourself to navigate this journey in a manner that resonates with your truth.
A full and remarkable life deserves to be celebrated in a meaningful way, and that’s exactly how Karen Claren farewelled her beloved father, Jürgen Claren, thanks to the advice and support of Funeral By Design’s Karin Slade.
“When doctors told us in July 2022 that Dad wouldn’t make another week due to his heart issues and pneumonia, I was in shock,” says Karen. “A girlfriend helped me out and rang around funeral homes and sent me the three best quotes, but I was in deep denial at that stage so I didn’t look at the quotes.
“After a remarkable recovery, Dad then unexpectedly passed away 4 months later in November 2022, and I had to finally dig up those quotes.
“Quote 1 was too detailed and I couldn’t get hold of the funeral director.
“Quote 2, which my friend pointed out was probably the ‘cheapest’ and totally in line with dad’s ‘no frills’ approach, came from a funeral director who whilst polite and helpful in answering all my questions on the phone, came across a little rote and detached. He was overly focussed on pointing out ‘prices’ during our conversation. This business manner really depressed me.
“Quote 3 was from Karin Slade from Funerals By Design. And as soon as I phoned Karin, I was struck by her personable manner, sincerity and attention.
“One of the very first things Karin said to me was, ‘So, tell me about your dad’.”
“It was THE most powerful thing ever! It was as if she opened my heart, looked right into it and took my hand.
“I immediately knew I’d found the right person to arrange Dad’s farewell. The focus was not on the cost of this or that. It was all about Dad.”
“Karin’s rapport is authentic and magical because she really does care. Her warmth and genuine care factor was priceless to put together this important and most memorable day.
“She asked lots of questions and really listened, she wanted to understand who my dad really was and make a connection. She learnt about his love of a good party and how sailing was a big part of his life.
“Dad was practical and became a bit frugal as he aged. He had always made it clear he wanted a ‘no frills’ funeral, saying, ‘I don’t want any of that formal fuss. Just pop me in a cardboard box and then scatter my ashes in the Pacific Ocean’ – it was an ongoing joke between us!”
“When I told Karin about Dad’s wishes, she replied, ‘Why not! We have a range of environmentally friendly and affordable cardboard coffins and caskets. We even have a boat that we regularly use for scattering of ashes’.
“And as it turned out, Karin’s funeral fees were actually less than Quote 2 that we received from ‘Mr budget’ funerals!”
“Nothing was a problem for Karin. I hate crematoriums and dreaded the thought that we had to hold the service there but Karin simply said, ‘You don’t have to’. It was a revelation and a relief to know we could create our own personalised funeral befitting to dad’s personality.
“Karin took over all of the unpleasantries and necessities, she shielded me from what was difficult for me, metaphorically holding my hand all the way. She organised dad’s transfer from hospital to the cremation and returned his ashes to me in the special urn I’d chosen.
“What makes Karin special is that besides being a practised funeral director, she is a professional caterer and event manager. Whatever you need, Karin can organise it.
“Karin was able to help guide or manage every minute arrangement aspect of my dad’s passing. I found that extraordinary – not having to deal with a myriad of people.
“Karin literally and figuratively helped me keep ‘it together’.”
“As Dad had passed just before the end-of-year festive season, I was not physically nor emotionally ready for a funeral that seemed so ill timed. Karin empowered me with the idea and acceptance that this can be done ‘whenever you’re ready’.
“That was the most powerful statement, as I was still in a ‘dense fog of grief’ for weeks after Dad’s death, trying to process my loss, as Dad and I were very close. I needed the clarity and time to really prepare a beautiful service that would truly celebrate Dad’s personality and amazing 82 years of life.
“So just four days after losing Dad we held our own simple and very intimate service at the exact moment of his cremation.
Instead of being at the crematorium, we were on the side of the hill overlooking the ocean and Warriewood beach, drinking champagne, and reading some of the poems Dad had written, with flowers and photos of Dad.
“Not having the memorial at the time as the cremation allowed us the time to contact all our friends and family across the globe, gather photos and anecdotes, and lovingly and calmly prepare to celebrate Dad in a more befitting way that reflected his unique character.”
“Karin’s exceptional communication and listening skills give her the remarkable ability to join all the little dots and make your loved one’s farewell an incredibly special and meaningful celebration.
“People tend to assume a funeral needs to follow a formula, all solemn and serious. Instead, Karin makes you realise that whilst it’s a time to honour and pay respects, it is also a time of celebration and that there is no such thing as a pre-prescribed funeral.
“For me, the most amazing thing about Karin was how she normalised death, dissolved the fear and discomfort, helped create acceptance and see the beauty of really celebrating life.
“Karin makes your departed loved one front and centre of the celebration, almost bringing them ‘back to life’.
“While guiding you all the way, Karin lets you decide how you’d like to be involved in the planning. She brainstorms with you, offers solutions and gives great ideas, taking over any aspect too uncomfortable for you. Nothing was ever a problem for Karin!
“Karin asked detailed questions about Dad, his lifestyle and interests. So when she learnt of his love of water, she aptly suggested a waterside venue for his memorial service.
“Suddenly, the memorial became centred on Dad and his love of life, parties, friends, travel, adventure, and most of all his desire for an informal farewell in the style and manner he enjoyed.
“Karin gently nudges you, keeping you focussed, without being pushy. She takes over all the organising in a totally efficient yet caring manner. Even juggling so many balls, keeping all on track, she is always calm, and friendly, and always ‘on the ball’.
“To be honest, I did wonder at times, as she looked a little too relaxed considering all the arrangements she was managing. But she was a consummate professional from start to finish! Like Teflon, Karin simply does not let any drama stick.”
“We chose not to have a celebrant so Karin did the opening. Karin and her team really helped personalise the whole memorial down to the very last detail – this would have meant so much to Dad!
“Knowing Dad’s passion for sailing, Karin had suggested Bayview Yacht Racing Association as a wake venue, just near where he used to moor his boat. It could not have been more personal and apt.
“Dad loved Persian rugs and had them scattered throughout his home. Against the advice of every caring friend and occupational therapist that they created a fall risk and his likely demise (which they didn’t), he defiantly kept them. His determination to keep his beloved rugs was a standing joke amongst everyone!
“So, we included his rugs at every gathering: sitting on them on the grassy Warriewood beachside hill on the day of his cremation, as well as spreading them in the BYRA hall on the day of the memorial.
“Dad was also a great reader so Karin and her team set up a library corner for people to take a book of his to remember him by.
“We all felt his presence because of the way the venue had been personalised to truly reflect Dad.”
“Thanks to Karin, Dad’s memorial was a true celebration of his life and reflection of who he was.
“Breathtaking floral arrangements with specific African flowers signified, Dad’s happiest years living in South Africa, and where a big part of his heart lay. We also had a display of all his toastmaster trophies as he was a renowned public speaker.
“Dad really loved entertaining, so we had a playlist of his favourite music while serving his much loved choice of food and drinks.
“Karin tailored a menu of dad’s ultimate favourite foods: cold prawns, crumbed calamari, Asian delicacies, his favourite cheeses, cold meats, dips with baguette, plus the cold beers and champagne – it was just the way he would have wanted it!
“As everyone left the event they said it was the most extraordinary and unique memorial they had ever been to!”
“Dad’s career took him across South Africa into Germany and later to Australia, where he made many connections and friends.
“After being diagnosed with only 5 years to live back in 1993, Dad decided to retire early, defy the odds and live life to the fullest, embarking on epic travel adventures. Dad truly embraced life. His humour and incredibly outgoing upbeat disposition was even noted in his medical records!
“Because Dad diligently stayed in touch with so many of his family and friends throughout his years, he had multiple connections with people across time and continents. Karin suggested we professionally live stream the service to include his overseas family and friends. Many phoned to tell me how special that was, they still rewatch the recording.
“People tuned in to the streamed service from Germany, Holland, UK, South Africa, USA, Philippines, Bali … from all over the world.”
“It was Karin’s idea to have a big group photo on the deck. We all cheered ‘Jay’(Dad’s nickname) instead of ‘cheese’. It was such a heartwarmingly funny and special moment. There were some people I’d never met before, and the ambience created such a lovely connection between everyone.
“Karin also helped organise a magnificent photo slideshow which beautifully chronicled dad’s life – she has an amazing network so anything can be done. On the day, her staff were all so professional and beautifully dressed. Everything went so smoothly, and way, way exceeded my expectations. It was magical.
“We never had to discuss the details of costs – we simply focussed on what Dad would have wanted.
“Karin’s pricing is sensible and she is totally transparent. I knew she wouldn’t overcharge – and she didn’t.”
“Karen allows you to be vulnerable at the most vulnerable time of your life. And she also gives you licence to laugh and cry and joke, but all all done in good taste.
“Dad and Mum were totally estranged, and apart from one of my children, I had no other direct family in Australia to help with the funeral, so Karin was a real anchor at a time when I would oscillate between feeling lost and totally overwhelmed.
“Even the day after the memorial and still from time to time, Karin continues to check in with me: she just phones me up to say hi, how are you doing, which is incredibly special. She provides such a professional service but she also invests herself personally and has a huge heart.
“She continues to help in so many ways. Karin is well connected and able to refer you to services you need ‘afterwards’, like people to help me empty Dad’s house. Karin truly goes way beyond the level of service she is required to deliver.
“Unconditionally generous with her time and attention, Karin is not motivated by money or profit, she simply makes time to support you.”
“Karin truly helped me make this the most beautiful day ever, and more special than I had imagined possible. In fact, I had such a good time at Dad’s memorial and everyone loved it so much we’ve now decided to have an annual memorial for Dad on his birthday!
“Family and friends all said ‘Jürgen would have loved to be there’ or ‘it feels like Jürgen is actually here with us’.
“Ironically, in all the days, weeks and months since Dad’s death, that day has been the happiest for me during this grieving period. I feel totally at peace that I gave Dad a ‘jolly good send off’ – just as he would have wanted.
“Thanks to Karin, there truly couldn’t have been a better tribute to my amazing dad.”
