When someone you love passes away, their belongings often remain behind like echoes, reminders of a life lived and moments shared. Deciding what to do with those items can be one of the more emotional and overwhelming parts of the grieving process.
Every object holds a story. A scarf still carrying their scent. A handwritten birthday card tucked away in a drawer. A cupboard full of teacups they insisted on using “only for guests”.
Letting go of these things — or choosing to hold on — isn’t just about tidying up. It’s about memory, meaning, and moving forward gently.
There’s no perfect way to begin, but here are some thoughts to guide you through this process with care.
A Life Full of Curiosity and Adventure
“Mum’s life was always full of love, creativity, adventure, with a strong passion for education and learning,” shares Emily.
“At a young age she lived in Russia, while studying the language at university, and later worked as a ships interpreter on commercial cruise liners which is where she met her husband, Keith.”
Mary had a Master of Arts degree in Education and a passion for English and all languages, she rose to the head of the department of education specifically in ESOL Languages for, TAFE NSW. She spoke Russian and French and in her retirement, continued learning by attending adult courses in Spanish.
“Both Mum and Dad were originally from England, and they travelled widely for work on cruise ships, Dad as a musician, playing in various bands performing bass and piano and entertainment, and Mum as the ship’s interpreter. She also joined Dad on stage and hosted the events he performed on the ships with him.”
“Mum used to always joke: ‘The best way to travel the world is to get paid to do it!’
“After years of working on cruise ships, they both decided to emigrate to Australia where they lived in Vaucluse and started a family, they then moved out to the suburbs and bought a property to raise a growing family together.”
“In their later years they downsized, moving from the suburbs and returning to the Northern beaches into Maybrook Manor Retirement Village, this is where Mum and Karin Slade crossed paths, and was how she was inspired to plan her own farewell.”
Why Does Mum Want Us To Play Two Up?
“All of her life, Mum never stopped learning and she was always generous with that knowledge too, helpful, practical, and ready to share what she knew. She loved to learn and to prepare, was organised and thoughtful and always looking for better ways to do things.
“After hearing Karin’s talk on planning your own funeral, she bought Karin’s book, Where There’s A Will There’s a Wake and quietly began putting arrangements in place, for both Dad and herself.”
“We were all in shock and didn’t know what to do after Mum suddenly passed, however to our relief and surprise we discovered she’d already organised everything!
“In the front of a notebook, Mum had written a mobile number with a note that said ‘call this number and ask for Karin’. Since we weren’t sure what to do we called it and Karin answered, immediately coming to our aid, with kindness, support and guidance.
“Everything Mum wanted and didn’t want was also written in the book, including things we had no idea about. She didn’t want a funeral, didn’t want anyone to see her body and she didn’t want to be buried, as she was always a free spirit.
“Mum wanted to be cremated and she included all of the details about the type of wake she wanted, right down to the guest list for the scattering of her ashes.
“Everything was very clearly laid out, however the one thing that had us puzzled were the words ‘Two Up’. Mum had never played two up so we didn’t understand why she was asking for Two Up to be played at her farewell.
“It was only after talking to Karin that these words finally made sense.
“Karin also owns a company called Sailing By Design and one of their services is scattering of ashes on a catamaran called Too Up. After years of working on cruise ships and meeting Dad there, Mum had decided she wanted her ashes to be scattered in Sydney Harbour off Too Up!
“But first, we had a celebration of life to organise. And thanks to Mum and Karin Slade, we knew exactly what Mum wanted for this too.”
Karin Helped Create a Celebration Of Life Exactly the Way Mary had Planned It
“Right from the start, Karin arranged everything for us, including obtaining the death certificate, putting us in touch with the celebrant, Sara Tomie, and organising the celebration of life. Nothing was too much trouble.
“We were so glad Mum had found Karin as through the entire process Karin always asked us what we wanted and reminded us to check the note pad to confirm if it was what Mum would have wanted too.
“Karin was amazing, helping us to narrow down choices and make decisions, even when there were disagreements in the family about how things should be done.
“Mum didn’t want her farewell to be heavy or sad. She wanted to have a celebration of life instead of a funeral, a casual and relaxed event at the retirement village where she and Dad lived and held in the hall where they often attended trivia.
“We thought about 40 people would come, however more than twice the amount of people came to say goodbye to our Mum!
“My eldest son, Jamie, had a big trip booked when Mum passed and had told her all about his plans which she was delighted to hear about. Because travel was such a big part of Mum’s life, he was encouraged to take it as we knew his nan would have wanted him to go, so he wasn’t able to be at her farewell.
“Daniel, my youngest son, gave his first public speech ever at the age of 16 on behalf of his elder brother James and sister Lenna. My 12 year old twin nieces Annabelle and Matilda stood alongside him and also bravely spoke.
“My sister Natalie, Mum’s second born, led the speeches beautifully with a detailed celebration of life story that she had actually written with Mum years before, for a school project as it was fittingly based on mum’s life.
“After our family friends Michelle and Madina delivered powerful parting words, we then invited others to join in to share their memories. Mum’s youngest son-in-law John graciously led, being kindly followed by some of Mum’s lifelong friends who also bravely shared their memories of her too.”
The Many Ways We Personalised Mum’s Celebration of Life
“Mum had planned the food and the music. She asked that we play Maggie May (of course!), Don’t Go Changing (it was Mum and Dad’s song), as well as Sailing (Mum was a huge Rod Stewart fan!).
“Because Mum was a lover of education and was still educating herself and others, Karin suggested we make a display of some of her books and give away the books along with a bookmark we had made. There was a collage of photos and as she was also a painter, we had her paintings displayed as well.
“Growing up in England, Mum’s favourite flowers were daffodils, so we also had an arch made of daffodils around her photograph. While she was in hospital, Mum asked us to plant some daffodils, which we had already planned to plant for her, the weekend she passed.
“Hearing of the significance of daffodils to Mum, Karin suggested to us that we organise the scattering of ashes to be held on Daffodil Day, which is a day of great significance for our family who has been affected by several types of cancer in the last few years.”
Scattering the Ashes the Day After Daffodil Day off Too Up
“On Friday the 22nd August, the day after Daffodil Day, the list of people Mum had specified in the book all boarded Karin’s boat, Too Up, in Sydney Harbour to scatter her ashes.
“Near Sirius Cove, close to Taronga Zoo, we stopped and gathered at the back of the boat. Mum’s ashes had been carried on board in a locked suitcase, and when the moment came, we released them gently into the harbour.
“On the boat, Mum’s grandsons, James and Lachlan, stood together and spoke. James (21) shared heartfelt parting words of their nan to the group, to begin the scattering of ashes and daffodils. Lachlan (9) bravely addressed the group and thanked all who came to say ‘good bye to our nan’ in closing.
“To honour her, we brought daffodils, removing the stems and scattering the petals into the water so they floated across the surface like a soft yellow carpet.
“Even though the seas were rough and the day wasn’t easy, the daffodils drifting on the harbour are etched in my mind. That was Mum’s farewell, imperfect, yet beautiful, just like life itself.”
Honouring Mum’s Plans with Kind, Quiet Support from Karin
“When Mum passed unexpectedly in May, we had no idea she had already organised her farewell. Discovering her plans was a gift as it meant we could gather, remember, and send her off exactly as she wanted.
“Knowing what she wanted took a lot of the pressure off us all and let us focus on family. In farewelling her, Karin made it all happen, calmly, kindly, and exactly to Mum’s wishes.
“From writing Where There’s a Will There’s a Wake to giving the talk at Mum’s retirement village, organising the celebration of life, personalising every detail and arranging the ash-scattering off her boat, Karin made it possible to farewell Mum in the best way possible.”
