If the formality of a traditional church funeral or the impersonality of a crematorium service just doesn’t feel right, you’re not alone. Increasingly, families are looking for ways to personalise funerals and wakes and create meaningful farewells that truly reflect the person who has died.
As well as serving favourite foods of the deceased at the wake and sharing stories and favourite memories, here are some additional ways you can put the personality back into the funeral or wake, rather than a one-size-fits-all approach.
1. Personalise the coffin or casket
Rather than spending thousands of dollars on a formal, highly lacquered coffin or casket, there are now many cheaper, more environmentally-friendly alternatives that can also be personalised.
Cardboard coffins can be decorated with paper, fabric or drawn on either before or during the service.
Woven wicker coffins can be decorated with flowers or even have items of meaning to the deceased, such as handbags, attached to the sides.
2. Create a memorial table
If there is no coffin or urn, a memorial table can be used as the focal point for the memorial as a tangible reminder of the person who has died to help guests feel their presence at the service and the wake.
Items you might want to place on the memorial table may include a framed photo of the deceased surrounded by:
- Sporting trophies, jersies, team photos, balls or certificates
- Knick-knacks or artworks
- Favourite hats, jewellry or items of clothing
- Tools they used for their hobbies candles
- Musical instrument they played and some sheet music
- Flowers, pot plants or greenery from their garden
- Favourite recipes or cookbooks
- Candles that evoke their favourite scent
- Treasured books, CDs or records
- Cards they have made or letters they have written
These items could also be used as decorations and given as a thank-you gift to attendees at the end of the wake.
3. Specify a colour theme
Colour is a simple but wonderful way to brighten the event and bring all the guests together.
What was the favourite colour of the deceased? Were they passionate about a sporting team or the colours of the flag of the country where they were born?
Ask everybody to wear the particular colour or colour combination and use it to decorate the venue with bunting, streamers, serviettes, tablecloths, flowers, candles etc.
4. Create a Photo Display
Photos spark memories and lead to people sharing stories. This is such an important part of any funeral and memorial but it can take a bit of time to organise so enlist help and ask close friends and family to share their photos with you.
Photos can be presented both physically and digitally as a slide show – a great job to give to the more technical members of the family.
Use photo boards, hang photos on a line of string with mini pegs, have an entire table of framed photos from around their house, scatter photos around the tables in the venue so people can see different photos wherever they move to.
You could also ask guests to BYO a copy of their favourite photo of the deceased, which is a great way to collate photos from all parts and stages of their life.
5. Use music in different ways
Is there a family member or friend who could perform a song that was special to the deceased? Was there an instrument they loved to play? You can also include the words to songs on the order of service if you want everybody to sing along.
Use special songs as a soundtrack for a photographic slideshow that is played at the funeral or the wake. Create a Spotify playlist of the deceased “greatest hits” to be shared with all the guests or uploaded to the living memorial website.
6. Get everyone to write their memories or messages
A journal, memory jar, chalk board or memorial stone station allows family and friends to write memories and messages over the duration of the wake.
You can also record memories digitally if guests feel comfortable being recorded. Ask a question such as “Where did you meet the person?” “What was your favourite memory of that person?” or even asking them to share something about the deceased that others might not know.
If you’re planning your own farewell, you might want to record messages to your loved ones as a living reminder of what you looked and sounded like or handwrite letters or cards.
7. Hold a “This is Your Life” open mic session
Allocate enough time for an open mic session during wake so people can open up and say something in an informal way that doesn’t involve the stress of preparing a formal speech or a eulogy.
If people are comfortable being recorded, the open mic session can be added to the living memorial as a way to add layers of memory from different perspectives and different parts of the deceased person’s life.
8. Play favourite games and create interactive puzzles
If the person you are farewelling loved board games or jigsaws, have game stations or their treasured jigsaws scattered around the wake and encourage guests to participate. Maybe even host a game night in their honour.
Did your loved one do the crossword or other puzzles every morning? Creating a crossword puzzle or word search that asks questions about the deceased or represents their favourite things and passions and give a copy of the puzzles to everyone at the wake.
9. Serve favourite foods and drinks of the deceased
What were their favourite foods and drinks? Were there recipes they were famous for cooking? Was there a particular cuisine they enjoyed? A food or drink that represents their culture and heritage?
Mix up jugs of their favourite cocktail or create a gin or whiskey tasting station. Serve craft beers or VB – what did they like? Hire a coffee van or a mobile pizza oven. Bring in sushi platters or create grazing plates. Serve red wine with their favourite cheeses on a platter.
The ideas are endless for creating food that reflect the tastes of your loved one.
10. Give a thank you gift to attendees
It is customary at a wedding for the bride and groom to give a small gift to their guests and this can be done at a memorial service, wake or a celebration of life too.
There are so many gift ideas that you can personalise to reflect the deceased.
- If they loved reading – a bookmark or a book. You could even give away favourite books of your loved one
- For gardeners, a packet of seeds, a pot plant or a flower
- Music lovers can be remembered with a CD or USB of their favourite music.
- A recipe card or packet of biscuits made using a favourite recipe is perfect for keen cooks
- A bag of you loved one’s favourite lollies if they were a sweet tooth
- Even a miniature bottle of spirits or a can of their favourite beer if they loved a tipple
If a house has to be emptied (and especially if the deceased was a collector), you could also hand out thank you gifts such as thimbles, teacups, handbags, spoons, men’s tools, playing cards, crystal glasses or vases, artworks, vinyl records, books or magazines from their collection, scarves, or t-shirts.
Whether you’re organising a funeral or a wake for a family member or planning your own farewell, there are so many ways to honor and reflect the personality of your loved one or to ensure you can “go your own way”.
If you would like some help with personalising a funeral or a wake, get in touch. We’re here to help.